Welcome to Backlog Quest!
Ah, the quest begins! The purpose of this blog is to catalog my journey as I try to chip away at the extensive backlog of games that I have amassed over the years like a digital version of “Hoarders”. I hope you’re not really calling this Backlog Quest! The other, slightly sneaky *gasp* purpose of this blog is to get into the habit of writing more. However, I can’t sit here and say I would like to write more without actually writing anything because that would be delusional. I think that ship has sailed, my friend!
The plan is simple: 1) Play game 2) Write about game 3) Continue to question our existence and purpose in the universe 4) Get Chic-fil-A and 5) Repeat. After this introduction, I’ll start posting reviews about the actual games — some of which I don’t even remember buying. Out of all the money I’ve wasted on these games in my life, I feel like I’ve wasted more potential by not marrying the experiences I get from those games with my writing. So, the entirety of this blog will be that marriage and this introductory post will serve as the wedding. Yikes! What a reach! Uhh, congratulations to the newlyweds…gaming and…writing? How original! You know the divorce rate is still 50% percent, right? *silence* Just checking!
I currently have 165 titles in my backlog across my Steam library, the PS4, and on the Nintendo Switch. I’m kind of tired of seeing them all sit un-played while they collect digital dust. Now, I’m not here to say that I have the most games EVER in my backlog. Or that you’ve adjusted well to adulthood either apparently! This many games may be a lot to some, but to others I’m sure it’s laughable. Either way, I’m not trying to compete with anyone. Except Kaden. Fuck you, Kaden. I simply want to experience the games after they’ve sat untouched for so long [insert lonely dick joke here]. Most of them are games I haven’t played at all and I have no experience with them beyond making that initial impulse buy. There are also a few stragglers in there that I’ve started and haven’t finished, but they’re still interesting enough that I’d like to see them through to the end (looking at you Hyper Light Drifter). So how did I find myself with such a huge collection of games? Asked no one ever. The answer is probably the same for every gamer with an extensive backlog: sales. Those dirty, dirty sales…
*inhales* I run to a sale faster than an angry Karen can ask to speak to the manager at the customer service desk in Target after the rep already told her they don’t know why a multi-million dollar chain stopped carrying her brand of tasteful and reasonably priced floral-patterned blouses for the fifth time *gasps for air*. Oof! If you tried as hard at your day job as you did on that “joke” you might have worked your way into the CEO’s chair by now…and gotten fired for trespassing!
Simply put, I’m a straight sucker for any kind of sale, and the fact that a new one seems to pop up every month has not been good to my wallet over the years. Sales are designed to get dummies like me to buy things they don’t need. What’s that? A game I’ve never heard of marked down 85%? Sold! I don’t know how it works or why I’m so weak. It has to be some kind of black magic, straight devilry, scientology…whatever you want to call it it’s scary and I don’t understand it, but if Tom Cruise is involved, then I guess I’m in! No questions asked! And that my friends is:
I get lured in so easily with hopes of dirt cheap classics and ridiculously low-priced modern gems. Of course, before I know it, I have $100 worth of stuff in my cart and I’m rifling through my wallet for my credit card quicker than a simp discovering OnlyFans for the first time. I bet you wouldn’t be so bitter if XoShYc4mGuRl69oX would respond to your messages… It’s frankly irresponsible for someone of my age to fall for such tried-and-true sales gimmicks. Isn’t that what makes them “tried-and-true” in the first place????Let’s move on.
I’m still saving money on these buys, sure, but that money might as well be tossed into the trash if I’m not taking the time to actually play the games, right? At least this is the way I look at it. Seeing these untouched games in my digital library day-in and day-out inevitably leads to feelings of guilt, stress, and shame which are emotions that should never be associated with a video game…unless of course the phrase “anime tiddies” can be used to describe it. I could move on and cut my losses (and miss out on those anime tiddies???) but at this point I’m determined to move at least a few of these games into the “completed” column…if for only a little peace of mind.
So, why would anyone want to do this, you ask? Besides the reasons you already fumbled through above? Well, I’m not planning on any significant upgrades to my PC for a while and I’m not planning on getting a new console either this year either. I figured I would use this time of self-imposed limbo in between console generations to try to catch up on all of these games that I’ve been ignoring. Additionally, the fact that I feel like I’m actively wasting money by not playing them certainly increases my desire to get the most value out of them while I still have the time. And speaking of time…oh boy, is this going to require a lot of it!
I currently work a regular 9–5 job Monday through Friday. I also usually work 6–8 hours delivering food every Sunday so my time to play is limited, but I’m used to this schedule and I’ve still managed to enjoy plenty of games in spite of this. That said, I did make the mistake of calculating how many hours will be required to complete all of the main stories for the titles in my backlog and it’s a ridiculous number…1,857 hours for anyone who’s curious. I wasn’t! I was originally going to have some rules in place to make sure I gave every game a fair shot and to minimize bailing on games too early, but I would prefer to enjoy this process and have fun rather than worry about if I’m adhering to my own arbitrary rules. So edgy! *yawns* I’m still going to attempt to finish every game on my list which means I could potentially be spending a crazy amount of hours doing this, but the focus will be more on writing blog posts for each game whether I finish them or not.
So there you have it. Your reader has so much to look forward to… I’ve already randomly selected my first game, 2017’s Conarium, so the wedding is over and it’s time for the honeymoon! Oh no! Again with the shitty metaphor! You know the honeymoon is supposed to be a vacation where the point is to relax and bang, right? Shit, yeah I guess that’s not the best way to describe it since I’m trying to be productive. Can I at least have a beer before I start? Only if it’s seven of them. What about banging? You really are delusional…
Up Next: Conarium
